Heaven Knows
by swaggersaur
Summary: Letting go was the hardest part. So hard, in fact, that she never did. /An AU, non-related Elsanna. Multi-chaptered story.


**Heaven Knows**

* * *

**Author's Note: **A different premise of Frozen. In this story, they are not siblings. I'm quite excited to get this strange idea down in words, and I hope you stay for the journey. A kind word or two is much appreciated.

* * *

Struggling to gain leverage despite the height, Anna scrunched her face in concentration. With one more nod of the head in determination, she jumped, fingers barely grabbing the edge of the windowsill. Her eyes widened when she realized her grip was slipping and with a quiet yelp she kicked her feet against the stone wall, trying to push up for a better hold on the windowsill. Gulping, she closed her eyes as her arms tired and anticipated the fall, but before she could fall, she felt two hands grab hers.

"Oh my gosh, Anna! What are you doing!"

Her friend's worried exclamation gave her an extra boost of strength and using her arms as weight, she managed to crawl through the window, slumping against the wall. She huffed in relief, smiling up at her friend while holding a thumb up.

"Anna, that was so stupid! You could've fallen! Do you know how high this fall is? How did you get so high up? Why are you climbing walls so late at night? Geez, Anna!"

Shrugging off the questions, Anna stood.

"Just wanted to see you is all. I missed ya, Elsa."

Elsa's face flushed red as she turned away from her friend and shuffled to her bed, jumping face-down on the soft, rumpled sheets. Taking that as permission, Anna jumped up and hopped on top of her friend, who grunted in disapproval.

"You're never 'round anymore, Elsa!"

"You know my dad doesn't let me leave the castle that much."

"Yeah, I know. That's why I came here instead!"

"You gotta stop doing that! One day you're gonna fall."

Grinning, Elsa rolled over onto her back, pushing her friend off the bed.

"Just like that."

"Hey! Not cool!" Anna complained, rubbing her head and pouting.

"Can you imagine what could've happened if I didn't wake up in time? You almost fell!"

"But I didn't. You caught me!"

Smile radiant, Anna jumped up off the ground and onto the bed. Grabbing her friend in a warm embrace, she snuggled against Elsa's shoulder.

"Can we play?"

"Geez, isn't it past your bedtime?" Elsa complained.

"Hey, you're not much older than me!"

"You're like five!" Elsa laughed. "Your bedtime was hours ago!"

"Well, I'm already up so I guess it can't hurt to play, huh?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Pleeease?"

"Still no."

"Please? Could we build a snowman?"

Anna removed her face from Elsa's shoulder as she pouted, her eyes wide and watering.

"Aw, that's not fair. Fine. But just a little."

The two girls ran down the long, winding stairs of the castle and stopped in the middle of the immense hallway. Mouth turned up in a wide smile, Elsa brought her hands together, moving them in a spherical motion as the air around her hands thickened and white specks began forming around them. Quickly, they concentrated between her hands, gaining speed as her hands repeated the motion. Anna watched in awe as she did every time her dear friend used her power.

Releasing her hands from the pattern, Elsa and Anna stood as the concentrated ball of energy rose and exploded, a flurry of white snow raining down on them as the ground became entrapped in a sheet of slippery ice. Anna felt the cold on her cheeks turn her face a light shade of pink. Turning towards Elsa, Anna slid on the ice to her friend.

"This is so beautiful! It's always so beautiful!" Anna grinned, grabbing snow off the ground and packing it into a tight ball.

"It's alright." Elsa smiled, making a snowball of her own and placing it on the ground.

Anna piled the snowballs on top of each other, giggling with Elsa as they slid the snowman across the ice. Anna loved moments like this with her older friend, just them two and the beautiful white snow that she so accustomed to freedom that she felt like flying. With her arms spread, she fell back onto the snow, grinning as Elsa fell on her back besides her. Turning her head to face Elsa, Anna giggled again.

"I love playing with you." Anna said genuinely, eyes bright with laughter.

"I do too." Elsa agreed, mouth turning upwards.

Elsa didn't get out too much being stuck in the castle, never mind the restrictions her parents put on her because of her strange powers, but being around Anna made her feel… special. Her parents taught her to hide her abilities as if they were mutant, terrifying; with Anna, she almost felt as if her powers were as beautiful as her best friend seemed to think they were. Anna was three years her junior, and she herself was mature for her age, but she couldn't help but enjoy Anna's company.

She watched her breath create beautiful plumes of frozen air, closing her eyes and falling asleep to the sound of Anna's quiet humming.

She never wanted to lose this.

* * *

It was almost tradition for Elsa to keep her window open and for Anna to find her way in late at night. Now that Anna was eleven, she had mastered the climb up to Elsa's window. Elsa was asleep when Anna snuck in, and with a sly grin, she tiptoed up to her bed. Smiling cheek to cheek, Anna counted down from three before jumping on the bed, right onto the sleeping Elsa.

"Ah!" Elsa said in shock, eyes opening to see the younger girl's face close to hers.

"Hey there." Anna whispered with a smile.

"Hey." Elsa replied, unable to form other words.

She felt her heart racing like it did whenever she was with the younger girl. She couldn't fathom whatever was going on in her friend's head, but something about being with the other girl made her feel warm. Warmth was something she never could understand, since she felt cold almost all the time, although it was a comfortable cold; she was convinced that whatever warmth was, it had something to do with that feeling she got whenever Anna was looking at her.

Anna's eyes were still on hers and Elsa felt glued to the spot, still staring up at the younger girl. Her mind was completely blank but her heart kept beating faster and faster.

"Gosh, it's getting chilly." Anna mentioned, rolling off her friend and snuggling next to her.

Elsa gulped, noticing that the sheets right below her was frozen solid. Anna nestled her head closer to her, and Elsa felt another tremble in her body. Heart racing, she struggled to find an excuse to get up.

"Hey, we should go play. Build a snowman or something." She stuttered.

"Naw, today feels like a cuddle day. Don't you agree?"

Anna's arm grabbed her side as she was pulled into an embrace by the younger girl. Her face turned a crimson shade of red as she tried to pull away, but her resolve was slipping. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to ignore the presence of the other girl, but a nudge at her shoulder made her open her eyes. She was greeted to the bright eyes of her friend.

"Hey, I'm so happy you're my best friend." Anna gushed.

"Y-yeah. Same."

"I love you." Anna grinned, closing her eyes and snuggling even closer.

_What does she mean? No, no. No, not like… no. Stop, Elsa, stop. No, let go of her. Let go of her!_

Elsa felt her arms tremble and her heart clench, and gasping, she felt a chill pass through her body and blood rush to her head. Hearing a small gasp from Anna, Elsa sat up, shocked when she noticed the entire room was covered in ice. Turning to her best friend, she noticed Anna was frozen in place, eyes open in fear. Needles of ice penetrated her body, small patches of ice slowly spreading over her.

"Anna? Anna!" Frightened, Elsa jumped off the bed, picking up her friend in her arms and running out into the halls.

"Momma! Daddy! Please, anyone!"

* * *

"Will she be okay?" Elsa begged, pulling on the edge of her father's jacket.

"Aye, she'll be fine, little girl." The troll replied before turning his attention to the King. "A few slivers of ice seem to have gone deeper than her skin but we managed to get most of them out. As long as the ice needles we couldn't retrieve haven't reached her heart, she'll be fine. Your daughter's power will only grow stronger; luckily, even if any of the ice reached her heart, they shouldn't spread as long as the girl stays away from the source of the power – the princess."

The King sighed in relief, dropping down to one knee and facing his daughter.

"Honey, the troll will change your friend's memories so she won't have any memory of your powers. She'll keep the good memories, though. Now, you can't continue playing with this girl. If any ice reached her heart, being around you could potentially cause her heart to freeze. You understand that, don't you, Elsa?"

"I hurt her." Elsa shivered, tears staining her cheeks. "Dad, I hurt her."

"Elsa, please, promise me!"

"I never meant to hurt her!" She cried, falling to her knees.

Her father grabbed her in an embrace, kissing the top of her head before turning to his wife.

"Go back to the castle and issue the gates closed. Starting today, Elsa will be protected to the best of my abilities."

He turned back to his crying daughter, his heart breaking as he watched her shrink away from his embrace.

* * *

Looking up from her position on the ground, a deep frown etched itself onto Anna's face. Elsa's window was closed. It was never closed. How was she supposed to climb into a closed window? Perhaps she forgot to keep it open, or maybe Elsa's maid kept the window closed by accident. Grinning at how silly her best friend could be, Anna reached down for a pebble and threw it at the window. She repeated this two more times until a light turned on and the window opened.

"Elsa! It's me! Your window was closed, but now that you're up, let's play!"

"Go home, Anna." Elsa's soft voice was carried down by the wind.

"We can go to the- what?"

"Go home. I don't wanna play with you anymore." Elsa whispered through grit teeth.

"But Elsa… you're my best friend!"

Anna's face twisted in confusion. There was a clenching in her heart that felt a lot worse than she could ever imagine and her sight of the window became blurry from the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't understand. She couldn't. Why was she talking to her like this? Why was her best friend turning her away like this? Didn't their friendship _mean_ something? What did she do wrong? A thousand questions burst through her head but only one made it through her lips.

"Why?"

Elsa frowned, eyes watering at the sight of the girl's broken expression, but she kept strong, stepping back and closing the window.

"Goodbye, Anna."

_Conceal. Don't feel._

It would get easier with time. It had to.

* * *

Anna blew the hair untangling in front of her face to the side as her father took his place behind the cart, ringing the same bell she's grown accustomed to for over 17 years. Her fingers danced against the side of the ice selling cart, the chilly breeze caused by the wind blowing against the cut ice causing goose bumps to rise up her spine. She hated coming to work with her dad; the King and Queen had closed off Arendelle for undisclosed reason and it severely hurt her father's business.

Whistling a melancholy tune, she shifted her attention to the boats sailing in the distance. It was a common sight to see suitors sail over from other nations hoping to woo the Princess, only to be rejected at the gates. However, the boat that approached the docks was smaller than most noble ships that breached, and a lot more narrow. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen the gates open, but she noticed the gates were slightly ajar, a few men walking out with scrolls and packages in their hands. Her interest piqued, she watched curiously as a few barrels were rolled out from the ship and onto the deck.

"Hey, Dad?

"Hmm, honey?" Her dad muttered, staring at the novel in his hands.

"I'm gonna go check out that boat."

"Mhmm, come back before sundown."

Jumping off the stool she was sitting on, she pulled her hair back and pulled up the sides of her dress. Running down the town center and sneaking across the docks, she crouched behind an elevated pile of planks.

"And that's the last of it." The man wearing a captain's hat said, hand resting on the final barrel.

"Thank you. Here's your payment, of course." One of the balding men from the castle said, pulling out a tied bundle of clinking coins and passing it to him.

Grunting in approval, the captain tugged the bundle open and pulled out a few gold coins and passed it back to the castle worker.

"I couldn't get a tamer for you like I promised."

"Ah, damn it." The castle man exclaimed, "The King will be extremely unhappy about that."

"I apologize, but it's almost impossible to find a tamer who specializes in reindeer. It's not a common animal where I'm from, let me assure you. I tried, but-"

"No, no. I understand. You're not the first trader who couldn't scope for us a reindeer trainer for hire. At this point, we're exhausted on options, though. Perhaps we should find a horse trainer instead."

"No!"

Anna gulped when she noticed that she was standing and both the men's attention was focused on her.

"Uh… I mean, like, reindeer aren't exactly horses so it probably wouldn't be best. I mean, reindeer attention, you know? Not that horses don't need attention or something, but like, a different kind of attention. Reindeer attention. Attention specific to reindeer. I mean, I'm sure you knew what I meant but I'm just clarifying because… I'll stop."

Eyebrow raised, the castle man brought a hand to his chin and scratched, debating.

"You seem knowledgeable in reindeer handling, yes?"

"I'm no professional or anything but I guess I know a thing or two about reindeer." Anna responded, nervousness apparent in her voice, "I've lived up on the mountain with my family for pretty much all my life, so…"

The castle man shrugged before pulling out another scroll and reading through it.

"Nothing's written here asking for a _qualified_ reindeer handler, just a proficient one. Would you, ah, be interested in a job at the castle?"

Anna stumbled backwards and leaned back against the barrel that caught her weight, awkwardly smiling at the two men in front of her. Her mind began running in overdrive as she debated with herself. She did miss the familiar halls of the castle that she would sneak inside to explore and she definitely missed her once-upon-a-time best friend and their rendezvous. It made her sick to remember the unexpected and sudden disappearance of her best friend from her life without so much as an explanation.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw the ice cart and her father still reading his book, eyes drooping and face petrified in boredom. The same stack of ice rested on the cart, not one gone since they rolled into the usual spot early in the morning. Business was only getting worse and food was becoming scarce, so getting a job at the castle could help pay for necessary goods before winter rolled around, where business would be completely nonexistent.

Mind set, Anna turned back towards the castle man and merchant.

"I would be interested, yes."

* * *

"Anna got a _job_?"

"At the _castle_, no less! Handling reindeer. Ha! Reindeer!"

Anna rolled her eyes at her parents' comments at the dinner table, poking at her food with her fork. Canned beans, carrot slices, and mystery meat for the fourth time this week. _Yum_.

"Guess you're not so useless after all, huh?"

Her smirking brother smacked a hand on her back, causing her to drop her fork on the far end of the table. Grinning, she pushed him back even harder, making sure he fell halfway off his chair.

"Get your dirty paws off me, Kristoff." She joked as he struggled to maintain balance.

"I should get that job. We both know I'm better with reindeer than you are." Kristoff laughed, stabbing into the loaf on his plate and taking a hearty bite.

"What are you talking about? Reindeer hate you!" Anna replied, causing Kristoff to frown.

"Yeah, well, reindeer are stupid." He muttered.

"So Anna, what are they going to have you do?" Her mother asked.

"Don't worry much, Ma." Anna grinned, "I'm the official reindeer handler of Arendelle. I mean, not _official_-official, but I will be, once they see how good I am with animals."

"Will you have to stay at the castle?"

"Well, obviously, Ma. Reindeer aren't going to tame themselves, you know. We only have a few months until winter, and Sir Jon – that's the guy who hired me – says we need to get the reindeer ready for the winter season."

Ma shrugged, returning her attention to the plate in front of her. Anna finished her meal in relative silence, pondering what this job meant for her. Would she be forced to live in the castle forever? Would she even like it there? It was closed off to even the citizens of Arendelle – did that mean that she would be in solitude? What if she got lonely? Sure, being a mountain woman was lonely, but she still had her parents and Kristoff. What if she hated it?

"Hey, Anna?"

Anna turned to look at her brother, who was wearing a sad, but proud, smile.

"You're going to do great."

* * *

Elsa grimaced while staring at the scroll. Her father accidentally left it in her room while bringing her dinner, and she knew she shouldn't read his personal belongings, but her curiosity was peaked. She knew her father was hiring a new handler for reindeer, the only animal her father was convinced she should use. He had an entire plan mapped out and she was sure that peeking at his scrolls wouldn't do her any positives, but still…

Carefully, she picked up the ends of the scroll, thankful that her gloves were providing some sort of protection against freezing the scroll, although she knew the gloves could only delay, never prevent. Unrolling the scroll, she perused the first few paragraphs which spoke of the role of the reindeer handler; her father wanted a trainer who could tame and domesticate the few wild reindeer he had his men capture a few days back. He wanted the trainer to potentially teach the princess how to properly ride reindeer as well.

She frowned, not understanding. Her father wanted to allow the risk of the handler finding out her shameful secret? A chill drifted down her back, a fear of something new. She was used to routine, to waking up in the confines of her room and studying and singing until her father or mother came up with her meals. It was a lonely existence but at least it was a safe one.

Her eyes wandered further down the scroll as she absorbed more information. Suddenly, she stopped, her breath stopping in her throat and her face flushing white. Reading the name of the hired hand caused her hands to begin shaking, the gloves unable to stop the ice slowly forming on the edge of the scroll. Dropping the scroll as if it were on fire, Elsa retreated to the corner of her room, clenching her arms in an attempt to stop the ice forming around her on the floor.

Anna Bella.

The one name her mind clung to whenever it drifted to her past. The one person she had to hurt to not hurt, the one person she hoped to see whenever she stared out the window at night. The one girl she abhorred, the one girl she absolutely hated, for being so unforgettable. The one girl she had spent years trying to let go of.

Why the fuck did it have to be Anna?

She felt herself cry for the first time in years, the tears freezing before hitting the ground, the small _clinks_ as they shattered against the hard floor unable to drown out her thoughts.

Letting go was the hardest part.

So hard, in fact, that she never did.


End file.
